Do unto others...

What is your reaction to someone who tells you that today is World Toilet Day? Sounds hilarious, right?

There was this really funny joke on women's restrooms doing rounds in my inbox few years back. I remember sharing it with all girl-friends and cousins and getting replies such as 'LOL.. so true' and 'Hahaha! I am gonna forward this to my Mom/sis

After that, every visit to a public toilet reminds me of the joke. As if the joke is on me.

I am a little glad to hear about something called World toilet Day being observed. If anything, it creates an awareness about standards of sanitization that are required to be maintained in public toilets.

You might find it funny, but I never visit IRCTC train toilets. Consciously a day before the travel, I decrease my intake of liquids.
A few days back while at a theater, I got out of the toilet making a face and holding in my breath, following which the Boy and I had a conversation where I mentioned to him that if anything, I want the sanitation of this country to improve till P-squared grows up to be a young girl. I hope, when she is 25, she does not have to face toilet travails that we have had to face not only during journeys but even during visits to local malls and cinema halls.
I was at Centre One in Vashi once when a lady came in with her kids and made them pee on the floor of the toilet, giving a justificationthat they were afraid of the western commode. I don't know but if toilet training is that difficult then you should not bring your child here. Gros! When the cleaner/attendant objected the lady raised her voice and asked her what the big deal was and after all that was her (the cleaner's) job.

We have a long way to go till we realise that a clean toilet itself means less germs and lesser diseases. And much longer to understand that one must leave his/her toilet seat the way she would expect it to be. Forget grafitti on the toilet walls, but something as basic as flushing after you are done does not need education.

How can you convince people to do unto others as you would have them do unto you...?


picture courtesy: Google Image search

Of adventure in real life

He was all of 24. Maybe a year or two older, not more. Donning the blue one piece suit, each morning he took the elevator, a yellow helmet in hand. He smiled at all those who entered the crowded elevator, all those who were rushing to work. A few smiled back, the rest did not even acknowledge his presence. They were busy straightening their neckties, fumbling with their mobile phones, getting ready for another day to mark their niche in the heavy duty corporate world.

She entered the elevator, put the identity card bearing her company's name on it around her neck and waited for the the twelfth floor.

He alighted on the last floor and then made his way up to the terrace. There in corner, were waiting a cleaning mop and the big blue bucket. His colleague had reached already. After a few jokes and banter, the two of them got to work. His colleague helped him in tying the harness and belt, checked if the carabiner was secure and all knots were in place.

Once near the wall, he looked down and all human beings appeared to him like ants. Getting out of their buses and crawling towards the building in a line. Taking help of tha terrace railings, he crossed over to the other side. Rappelling was the most important part of his training. 'The legs have to make a right angle to the surface, knees straight', he remembered the instructor telling him. It took him quite some time to master this skill.

He slid down with the mop in hand and the bucket hooked to the rope. Slowly and steadily he cleaned the glass surface covering accurate lengths with every motion of his hand.

She just settled at her desk with her morning cuppa. It was Thursday and there had to be some plan for the weekend. Two weeks back they had been to Essel World and last month they went on a trek in the Sahyadris. This weekend she wanted to do something different. Rock-climbing? Or maybe rappelling? She was typing an email to her friends when a shadow fell on the wall opposite to her cubicle. Alarmed, she swiveled her chair and turned around to look.

A boy about the same age as her, was squinting against the glare that the glass surface reflected. He was concentrating on the layers of dust settled on the glass. At the same time, balancing himself steadily. Before she could realise, he had slided down.

She smiled at herself, turned back to her computer and clicked on the 'delete' icon of her email draft.

:)

Pic courtesy: Google images


ETA: This is not fiction. Not exactly inspired by real life either. Just that I see these boys rappelling down outside my office and feel ashamed of how I have spent and will spend time and money on adventure sports like rock climbing, rappelling, mountaineering and such.
What about people who do this for a living? Will they mock at my love for adventure sports as 'rich people's indulgence'
How does a shepherd's daughter living in the valley of Kulu feel when she sees girls her age precariously walking across the patch of snow with the help of a climbing stick? Something that she does everyday while grazing her sheep. 

Follow up on the genie..

Listing all the responses that I received by email and comments in the earlier post. In Red are those who chose option 1 and blue, option 2.  I have left all of those who could not decide, or wanted to confuse or slap the genie in black :)

The Boy: Somehow the first instinct is to choose 5 mil.. but then on second thoughts thinking about friends family etc.. I ended up choosing 10 mm..

I was thinking what if the amount wasn’t significant. it was something like 5k and 10k.. would someone think of the greater good? Lots of poor/needy ppl that I know could do with this money? Somehow dint think of these people when it was about 10 million.

Sister: First option.

Only everyone else u know will get 20mm. in any case most folks we always know or see have so much more money .. and still we carry on with what we have..

In real world, pure value for worth of money.. 10mn will buy more than 5 mm. SO enjoy the 5 mm more worth of stuff

Sister's husband: Classic I banker. We are all happy when we hear our bonus but get depressed when we get to know others made more.

But I am rationale. Will take 10mn - unless everyone I know is such a large number that the value of money erodes purely because there is so much liquidity that in REAL term you become poor because you have only 10. (eg price of 3mm house becomes 20mm and 10mm is worthless)

Colleague1: I am happy with first…I don’t bother about others..$10M matters me a lot..

Colleague2: It’s better to get benefit to all. What’s wrong if everyone’s problem goes away because of some genie comes to me only…..This is good opportunity to avail the benefit to all in society/country instead of being selfish to have money for me only. Anyhow I am not doing anything in any of the option and what I am getting is additional to me and at the same time others will also get it.

Colleague3: Option 1. Karma. What goes around comes around.

Colleague4: Option 2. My reason would be that It's an opportunity for me. I need to capitalize on that. I don't need to accommodate others.

I always wish good for others but I actually want best for me that is human reality

Kanchan: Option 1. Obviosuly first na .. cos all might get 20 but then I will get 30 na including my husband’s money ;)  And at any point forget about others atleast I will have double money and tats more important: P

Lunch friend, Asmita: I will choose first option, As I will be getting $10m and everyone else will get $20 everyone else I know means my family member too so I will be happy as I got $10m at the same time I will be happy because of me everybody else I know will be happy.

Lunch friend, Meenakshi: Option 1. Simple… selecting option 2 does not benefit anyone. Selecting option 1 it looks that I am losing but at overall I feel that it is beneficial.. and after all 10 million dollars is big amount.. ;-) I would be happy to get that.. I don’t think my needs are more than that..

EY: Sach bolu? is there a third option of not hvaing the money? I would say I dont want your options. The reason being i have stopped believing in earning easy money. Tat aint my cuppa tea!   

The daily bird: umm... can't make up my mind

            i think option 1

            coz after a certain amount, it doesnt matter,

            let everyone get

            but why should I get the lesser amount.

            option 2

but if everybody gets then cumulative wealth will increase, and I will get from them too.

            option 1

            there should be an option 0

Ugich Konitari: Assuming the genie is not related to, say, Madhu Koda, option one sounds fine to me.
The genie may erase my memory of having made the choice. It wont erase Madhu Koda's memory of having given it.
So my choice also depends on who is giving it.

Gouri: obviously option 1.

1. you get more money - good enoungh for you to dump the job and start with the things you really want to do

2. your hubby, friends and everyone you know gets money - so there is ample scope to borrow still more - and again you know they got MORE than you - so it is justifies also, you see ;)

3. since everyone gets money, there is more celebration, and it does not affect your wallet

4. who knows for sure whether the memory wash option will really work? So if not, you get added benefit of feeling great :)

Psych Babbler:

Hmm...interesting. Does it have to everyone you know? As in acquaintances, clients etc?

Because if so, I might go with option 2 and then share that with loved ones...close friends and immediate family (i.e. mum, dad n sis).

PNA:

It would be wonderful to have a lot of money first thing tomorrow morning, stacked on the chair (maybe I'll get a bigger chair tonight) beside my bed!!

What would happen if somebody refuses to take any option, then nobody gets the money?! Bad, I say, So option 1 n of course, I get my pocketmoney anyways from all of the other 4 :))

:)
Ashes

Varsh:

I'll go with option 2.

Well, if I use the first option, then memory or no memory I'll be the poorest one I know!

But if I use the second option I'll be the richest one and hence I'll have more bhaav..hehehe ;)

Nu:

Option 1... yeah !

Dhaval:

Do this,

1) Make a deal with genie. Ask him if he wants to earn 5 million ?

2) He'll say yes .. ( greeed )

3) choose option 1

4) Genie get his 20 ( as you know genie also .. ;-)

2) Now genie gives you 15 out of his 20( returning the favor as you didn't choose opt 2 )

3) in the end you'll have 25 (10 + genie's 15 ) .. and your loved once get 20 apiece...

4) this way, you are not the poorest and still everybody gets money (genie also) .. and no guilt factor ... :-D

Titaxy:

i would go for option 2...as much as i would like to think that i'm not selfish, i can be happy with $10million when others get $20 million, i think in the long run it will affect my psyche...because if i chose option 1, then everyone else would be twice as rich as i am, i would be the poorest among the lot..and that will have an affect sooner or later...

with option 2, i can have the money, choose to share it with whoever i want and just not be bothered about what others get :P .. lol...i sound like a selfish loon, no? :D...oh well..

Gauri Gharpure:

My immediate choice was option 2 for everyone getting double of what i get keeps me essentially in the same position.

then i thought everyone i know should not mean fleeting acquaintances and kept those who matter the most in that circle: my immediate family, close friends and two maids who make a huge difference in my day-to-day luxury. this thought, and immediately option 1 sounds cool. The circle of wealth increases in my family and loved ones..

If strictly "everyone" i know comes in this rule, then i would go with option 2 .

Kavi:

well... as a patriotic indian living in Mumbai i will deal only in rupees. Printed somewhere in Maharashtra.

So, fundamentally, the genie needs to be slapped around for dealing in dollars.

Thats the option. The only way to escape tough questions is to slap around. Seriously !

;)

Me:

The words in the question say ‘everyone you know’ which is a huge number. If everyone I know gets much more than me then I am not going to be happy. Why? Simply because that is how things are even without the genie episode. :)

Had it been ‘everyone I care about’ or ‘family/friends’ etc then I would probably have gone for Option 1.

Secondly, the memory erased option is there. So its not like im gonna feel guilty bout it. And with 5 mn $ (which is a huge amount in itself for me) I can still give to my family.

Thirdly, if you think about karma etc… then the genie has chosen me over so many other people- because of my karma only na? :P

--------------------------------END OF LIST --------------------------------

Since so many people (12 out of 23) have chosen option I, I think I will tell the genie to go grant the wish to them. :) So that I will get $20 mn. And hey, he says everyone you 'know', so blogfriends do count, okay! :)

Here is the explanation given by whoever came up with the question:

This might seem like an easy choice. You take the $10 million and your friends will get $20 million each. Everyone wins. Unfortunately, I don't think humans are wired that way. Happiness is based on the direction your life is heading (better or worse), and what you have compared to what you think you should have.

If you take the genie's $10 million option, over time you will start feeling like the poorest person you know, since everyone else has $20 million apiece. You will wonder what you did in a past life to deserve this shabby treatment from the universe. The ugly truth about humans is that your happiness might be maximized by screwing everyone you know while screwing yourself half as much.

If you buy this premise, it has interesting implications for personal relationships. For example, it means that one way to cheer up an unhappy friend is to put yourself in a bad situation, thus resetting the reference point. The splinter in your finger only makes you unhappy when you're not talking to someone who has a railroad spike through his head.


Image courtesy: Google image search.

Suppose a genie appears

and gives you two choices.

Choice one: He will give you $10 million dollars, but everyone else you know will get $20 million apiece.

Choice two: You get $5 million, but no one else gets anything.

As a bonus, the genie offers to erase your memory of having made the choice, so guilt will never be a factor. You will simply wake up the next day in the new situation.

Which option do you choose to maximize your personal happiness?

P.S.: The memory wash option is on both.

The boy sent me this and asked me to think about it and then answer.

Please write in your option and the reason why you chose that option in the comments section. I have already sent to a set of friends and relations, and will post their answers here. The answers so far are quite interesting.  :)

Apparently it is not a random question and has an explanation to it. (Which I haven’t read)

My answer is ready and will post is tomorrow.

Right now, I am happy that the boy chose Option 1 so I just got $ 20 mn. Yay!  :)

This post is about a nasty remark..

..I was subjected to at a cousin’s engagement few weeks back. (Caution: rant ahead)

The cousin, a sweet chap whose event I could not have missed for anything. Needless to say, since I was in Bombay I fussed over Pilloo Picolo (P-squared henceforth), dressed her up in a lovely blue pinafore, matching socks and cap before getting dressed myself. Throughout the function I refused to let go of her, carrying her everywhere, not giving a damn about my saree creasing. I also gave spiteful looks to all cousins and aunts (and even my mom) who wanted to pick her up from my lap.

Yeah, I am mean like that but then I feel terribly guilty for being away from P-squared for long spells. Hence my only intention is to make up for the time lost so that I do not miss out on sweet little pleasures such as a toothless grin or a meaningless babble. Or even watching her sleep with her lips pouted. :)

Coming back to the function, there was general merriment all over and whoever spotted me with P-squared stopped by, pulled her cheeks, kissed her said something and moved on. The usual comments were like:

काय नाव ठेवल ?  (What have you’ll named her?)
किती महिन्यांची  ज़्हाली ? (How old is she now?) 

आई गं , किती गोड आहे  (Awww.. Such a darling.!)

 And then there were some typical naughty comments coming from the aunty category

हं आत्ता पासून practice?  (Practicing already?)
So when is your turn?

Etc etc
I answered some and ignored some.


Now why I am writing this post is because there was one such comment that is eating me. I have been thinking about it constantly and need to get it out of my head. That is not going to be easy since I don’t forget things (especially insults) easily. :)

There are certain people who you meet only at weddings, the kinds who if you otherwise see, you might even fail to recognize. This comment came from one such person. He passed by when I was sitting with my sister taking pictures of P-squared in my camera phone.

बघ हां, माउशी ची सावली पडेल   ...

The literal translation could be ‘Be careful of your aunt’s shadow’

My sister and I both are rather outspoken otherwise and would not let a nasty remark pass off easily. But when this happened, I was tongue-tied and sister might not have jousted to avoid creating a scene at a function. And in any case, we doubt we will meet the person ever again.

Now those who understand Marathi well, will have already understood that the comment does have a negative tone to it. I wonder what prompted the person to even say it. I fail to understand what impression I have created on him that he had to utter such a statement.  Now the said fellow does not even know me or my family closely to judge me. After thinking about it overnight I have concluded that there might be two things in his opinion that I may have “wronged”.

1)      Marrying a boy of my choice – I don’t know if everyone in the extended family wholeheartedly supported the decision. Not like everyone was asked for an opinion either. But what matters to me is that my close ones will stand by me no matter what. The person in question like I said is such a far-off relation, that I doubt he even knows what the Boy looks like or who he is. If he does, maybe he is the kind who disapproves of people marrying outside their caste or of girls who decide who they want to marry. Whichever be the case, I don’t know how this will affect PillooPicolo. She is too small to understand that her Aunt had a ‘Love’ marriage so to call and I doubt she will think it is bad to do so unless we (her parents and her first family) teach her so. Which I doubt will happen because before anybody else, my sister and her husband were the ones who I had on my side when I decided I wanted to marry the Boy.

2)      The colour of my skin – Now need I say more? I have a dark complexion. There! I just said it openly. I have grown out of taking offense on that one but I have had relatives telling me to put a stop to my swimming career because it could eventually affect my marriage prospects. Probably the said person thought that it would be wrong for P-squared to interact too much with someone with a dark skin lest she turns dark herself, (didn’t he say shadow?) which of course would be a bad thing for a girl. Because ideally a girl has to be meet the standards of fairness set by the Indian society.

If he really said it for the second reason then he himself must stay some ten feet away from P-squared. (By no means can he be called ‘fair’). And also should P-square’s grand dad, grand mom, Mom, grand uncles, aunts, uncles and more than half of her family.

Now that I have this out of my head, I am feeling better. For all I know, he did not even mean what he said and it was just a passing comment. But I really want to know what makes people say things they don’t mean, that too to strangers. In a fight, I might say something ugly to a friend and then apologise for having said it. But I cannot imagine going up to an acquaintance and passing a nasty remark unless I really intend to.

And in a heavily sentimental moment, I emailed P-squared's parents, individually, asking them if they too felt the same.
Sister called up and sisters that we are, we had a long close-to-tears conversation.
Her husband e-d back asking  “Are you F crazy?”
:D

Guess I am, quite a lot, how else could I make such a long post out of a thoughtless remark?

:)

Left: P-squared was one month old and I was burping (is that a correct word?!) her after her feed.

Right: A recent picture. Strands of my hair are not let loose on purpose. They are pulled out by the imp. Yes, that is her newest activity. Pulling hair, chains, spectacles, nose... everything :)

What happens when...

....you are listening to audio recitals of the Marathi novel Pavankhind during the day and reading Sea of Poppies just before bedtime?


You dream of Baaji Prabhu Deshpande sitting with Miss Paulette and Zachary Reid at the dinner table at the Burnham’s residence.

:)

Why would you buy a house?

Like all of you know we have been house hunting, random conversation these days with colleagues, relations, acquaintances is about buying a house. I like to interact with people, know their opinions about different areas, builders and other aspects one looks into while buying a house. Especially because we are new to the city and any bit of information adds tons to my knowledge base.

At the same time, I also understand people’s reasoning behind buying a house. Some buy it for investment purpose. Some for proximity of children’s schools. Some prefer proximity to the city center while some prefer the peaceful outskirts. Then are people who think the amenities and club houses that builders provide nowadays are useless, and there are some who think living in posh societies is prestige issue. I love listening to everybody’s point of view. That only helps me in making up my confused mind.

This post is not about points to be taken into consideration while buying a house. It is about this one line I have heard too often from quite a lot of people.

“How does it matter what kind of a house it is? After all we are out of the house for ten hours and then we get home and crash for eight hours. Don’t think too much while buying a house, you are hardly going to be inside it”

Well, I know it is not wise to be too finicky and indecisive- that is a lesson I am learning already- since the real estate market seems to be picking up and it appears that we have missed the bus. But then, don’t you want your house to be an ideal house?

This isn’t about making your house a home like the advertisements say “Iss makaan ko ghar banao”.
It is about wanting that one cozy balcony where you can walk around your little green patch while speaking on the phone, wind in your hair even if you are there for less than 10 minutes each day.
That bedroom, where you want to come back to, after an exhausting overseas travel.
Where you want to lie down when you take the day off because you are not feeling well.
The kitchen, which has a small storage section where you have a special space for keeping the pickles mom has made.
The inviting living room where you want to spread out dinner and laugh with family or friends when they visit?
Or where you love to see first rays of sunlight fall each morning, even if you are running late for your bus?

Now, Mom may send pickle once in a year or I may not even find time to step out in the balcony on weekdays but isn’t that one day or moment important? With the rates spiraling and our options narrowing down, I may have to eat humble pie. But then it is better to have hunted for the one perfect house and then compromise on a few factors than never to have dreamed about one at all.

If I have to find an accommodation considering the number of hours I spend inside it, then the most economical would be living in a hotel. :) Buying a house looks like an expensive bargain then.

What is your opinion? Would you not put much thought into buying a house because you are barely going to live in it? Would you buy a house only for practical purposes? Would you think of how comfortable a certain house makes you feel?

What's up

• Winter has announced its arrival. I have started shedding. I hate dry skin.

• I went to the ex-landlord yesterday. To collect my money. Throughout the 5 minutes time that I was there, his wife shouted (for more than 50 times) from inside "त्यांना सांगा परत येऊ नका" (Tell them not to come again). I counted up to 100 and backwards without uttering a word.Only till he handed the money over. And what do you think happened after that? She, her husband and the Boy stood there with their mouths wide open and I spoke. (Blogging about it before hand helped since I could recollect almost all points verbatim :))

• The Boy misses his bus back home way too often these days. I am suspicious. Not because he has to stay back in office. I am suspicious that he is getting addicted to being driven around. Yes, I am his unpaid driver these days. "Missed my bus. Can you come and pick me up?" is an sms that I receive each evening.

• My culinary skills have advanced to a better stage. I now make curries in addition to sabzis. And the boy has found his new love - the food processor. He marvels at the possibilities of tasks that a food processor can perform. It's like a child in an elevator wanting to press the button himself. The Boy will not allow anybody to touch the Food Processor. I am not complaining. Now you know why we are eating more curries. :)

• I have been tagged. Yay! After so long. People either pity me or they really love me. :P Thanks Nu. :)

• And there are awards for me too. Double Yay! Thanks PB, and Titaxy.

What’s up with you, people?

A 55 word NON-fiction this time

*

“Do diwane sheher mein.. Raat mein aur dopahar mein.. ashiyana dhoondhte hai” the radio blared just when they parked their car to take a break and cross out houses from the long list.

He: Coincidence.

She: Maybe.

She changed the station.

“Dekho maine dekha hai ye ek sapana, fulon ke sheher mein ho ghar apna”

*

Links for the two songs on Youtube here and here